What is left?

When I reached the mountain top and found the sage had gone I wondered what is left? What is left when my insides tremble and I wonder what might become of my dream and the questions it evokes? What is left when I no longer linger waiting for some simple sign that I have made the right choices? What is left when I finally stop and say uncle, we believe in the same universal truth but not perhaps in the way they are lived out in this world? Perhaps what is left is what is right, to open my heart and say - ah home again.
Thank you all for tending this place of wonder, 2U-Second Unitarian of Chicago, with such fierce and gentle spirits.

As I wait for some part of me to shift into a new place I am aware that nothing will happen unless I move. As I sit still and think good thoughts and move carefully around the layers of the under the parts of my life I have not embraced for some time I think - why would I want to shift that piece of my life - it seems just fine. As I respond to the nagging voices in my head saying things like "really you need to do something differently?" I side step and turn on the TV to watch Chopped just like last night. 

But something has changed in me and perhaps the biggest change is I am willing to see that change.

This is different. Someone said no to me and I did not become a weeping ball of insecurities, someone said maybe and then no and I did not stop and wonder why my entire life was falling apart, someone said yes and while I still wonder why I am stepping forward.

Today I write because I can write.

Tomorrow I will paint because I can paint.

The next day I will learn because I love to learn.

After that I will sing because there is nothing in this world that makes my heart happier.

Even as I wait, even as I wonder if I can change if the dust bunnies can be found and removed, I know that this is mine to do NOW, embrace the seeker I have always been.