Day 48 - dreary before creation

I am tired of being clever - tired of trying to impress
What if I simply brought myself for today

A child of the holy I call g-d, no more and no less

Even though I am dreary before this stunning creation
I am still accepting, still remembering
     I am yours
     I am your creation
     I am your face becoming
     I am the edge of all that is and all that is yet to be

that seems like it could be enough.

Post 47: to be vulnerable

What does it mean to take risks? To be vulnerable and open to failure? Are there ways to measure this dance I make with my soul through this bending of time? What is gained or lost by not trying?

Sweeping up the floor I
look not at the brooms movement
But wonder at the swirl of dust caught in the light

Is that part of me or you
 or the plant on the shelf we always forget to water
The beauty of this spark reminding me of life and air

 I clean constantly not on one day
but throughout the week
On knees weeping with the weight of my overly fed body
I catch the hair in the corner

and wipe the stains of water from a mirror
Like tears, the drops formed from steam
Too much to release through the open door

It collects and reminds me of warmth and letting go
Does life always turn like this
Seeing in through the edges

Post 46: Where is the embodiment of our founding fathers intentions? - Furlough

Government Shut Down

For those people I know, and those I do not, who have been furloughed - life has happened to you. Someone else made a “decision” and your lives where changed. I am outraged and I am utterly perplexed by elected officials who are moving our country, my country, so far away from the intentions set by our founders. 

Here is how I see it:
The folks that have been furloughed are people who work for agencies that do not directly “protect” this country – instead they do the awesome work of ensuring that we remain moving toward the intentions set forth when this country was founded. These lofty goals – all are created equal all are endowed with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness - like any goal must be lived. Intentions must be embodied into actions in order them to become real, and that often mean watching out for human activity. Making sure that we use nuclear power safely, ensuring that we take care to test drugs and food, that we safeguard the standards by which we run little things like the internet these are examples for me of how our government lives into the potential of those intentions. This does not mean the gov always gets it right but getting it right all the time is NOT THE POINT. I expect government to hold onto these ideals because I know business, with a focus toward profits, cannot. For a biblical reference – from a guy named Jesus, you cannot serve both wealth and god. G-d here is that intention to act justly, behave kindly, and live as if others matter. I think this is why the government shut down feels so raw to me. For two Friday's I spent time with people that have held onto the intentions of our founders for me. I feel bereft that they have been told they are not important and outraged that my government has implied that these truths that I believe in no longer mater. I want to say clearly, as an individual within this community, I hear you, I bear witness, I write letters and I vote.

If there is any help out there - send it to Washington DC to help these fine people remember why we have a government in the first place - to protect, yes, to protect the vision set forth so long ago by a groups of people willing to take risks to live their principles. By the way they did not get it right all the time either - but mistakes (even entrenched choices) did not stop them from trying to live the intentions they espoused.

Come on folks we are better than this - at least we were at one point.

Post 45: Cold winds blow

I have what is colloquially known as a bucket list, my list includes people who I would like to see in person, to be in the presence of, and places that I would like to see. One of those people is Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh. His words and voice follow me throughout many days. The gift of his reading poetry and words have helped me through times of both sorrow and anger.Live now, love this moment, practice compassion. The work to be present to this moment, no more - no less is work that I come back to in my spiritual journey, especially in this season. 

Every couple of years I look up where these people are or check to see if there are any opportunities to see them. As we prepared to go to Europe this summer I looked into the potentials for visiting Plum Village in France, Thich Nhat Hanh's residence as he continues his exile from Vietnam (a situation that just seems crazy to me). It felt a bit too far away from Paris for the trip. We were traveling through to Germany on a trip focused mostly on moving Genny and meeting her beloved's parents. 

This Sunday I awoke to learn that a north American tour was underway bringing Thich Nhat Hanh to the US. At the mid-point Krista Tippet was interviewing this luminary. Searching the web I quickly found that he was traveling from the east coast to California his last east coast stop had occurred two days ago - I had missed an opportunity. 

This lesson is so hard fought for - there is only so much time, only so many dollars, only so many books, songs, opportunities, there is only so much life that can be lived. Choices make a difference.

What I choose to do today will impact my life for good or ill. How do I remember that? How do I breath into the losses and celebrate the moments brought on by chance? Maybe it is not what I experience but how (thank you always Michael Scott Brooks for this image of the journey is not about the destination but about how we take the trip).

I may not see Thich Nhat Hanh in my life time. I may have just missed the opportunity. Instead I was meeting new people at a congregation for a ministerial internship. Instead I was trying out new recordings, joining a chorus that will be a source of fun, learning how to get to my new room, chanting, praying, walking, healing, being. Instead I was living a full life. I am sorry to have missed this moment but it does not mean I will not hold within my breath the truth that I learned from this teacher Compassion with myself breeds compassion for others - we are all of one body. 

Post 44: A reminder for me from Mella

October has begun - filled with reminders to take care. The earth is turning and the chill spills in the window with the scent of fallen leaves, my sweet take care. Anxiety wakes you with too much to do, to much to live, to much to take on, my sweet take care. Expectations to care for others before myself loom over my heart along with the anger that would inevitably invade my soul, my sweet take care.

What a gift to wake after a restless night to the realization that I can choose to live within the flames of doubt or the passionate fires of reaching toward my true and best self. Either way I will be changed but in one I will be scorched in the other transformed.

And then this gift from Pam - take care my sweet, take care.

Making space - PMR 10-1-13

for nothing
Making space
for breath
Making space
for simply being.
For hope,
for dreams,
for wild possibilities.
Trees nearby hum electrically
a symphony of knowing.
My heart knows the tune.
Will I sing along?
The cat rubs her chin on my fingers.
she's right.
This is why we are here.