Efficiency & Spaciousness 

Morning woke me early

Grey. An intermittent snowflake

crazily navigating sharp air.

Heard the voices saying “you should walk”

…

A shiver of reactionary retorts;

“it’s cold…the bed is warm” no movement.

 “The birds call…it’s been too long.

There’s more…out there”

Yes, just where fear ignites…

more.

Stepping out of comfortable reality;

cranky, challenging, stressful… familiar.

Needed;

essential, important, validated.

A place to earn my keep in this confounding rodeo.

The Big Assumption:

Life must be earned.  Ouch.

No free rides; ruthless efficiency guarantees a longer stay.

What? Really.

Hesitating, curious

my walk begins on aging asphalt

laced with ribbons of variegated stones

noticing;

long dead trees nourishing moss, foliage, green.

Ancient boulders hosting lichen,

rich, profuse, abundant.

Fallen trees at drunken angles

bedecked with vines & crackly nests.

Being.

Not breathing, running sap, or even rolling

down hill.

Silently in place without agency.

Holding their place; holding their space.

A generosity of spaciousness flowed to and fro;

every single atom needed

wanted, irreplaceable,

a blessing.

What happened to the frantic trying?

The worrying, the struggling,

pushing, wrestling, straining?

Wisdom, experience?

Carefully placed levers?

Reeling, I breathe.

Spaciousness.  (without plans

or blueprints, or schedules, or clocks)

Looking to the clear edges of forever

refusing to blink.

What would it look, or feel, or taste like?

To step out of efficiency

be swallowed up in spaciousness?

Would not implosion surely ensue?

Perhaps… and yet

let’s go.

 Pam Rumancik  3-1-13