To a veteran

Hmm - skip to the end to read the thanks and then come back to read about freedom, but only if you want to.

I am utterly grateful to live in a country where unless I am a complete idiot (well even if I am a complete idiot) I can speak my mind and friends will generally laugh at my jokes, offer support if I am weary or listen if I get on a soap box about a myriad of injustices meted out to people I often do not even know. It is such an amazing gift this freedom to be human and humane that I do not even think about it much of the time. I have come to understand this freedom as part of my rights. Not rights protected by anything but as part of my rights as a person. This is actually an amazing statement. 

I do not think about my rights to the freedom of speech, of conscience, of choice, of compassion because I have had them most of my life. I have thought of my limits only as the limits imposed by my self - my lack of knowledge, will power, courage, social panache, candor, ... I have mistaken personal requirement for personal freedom. I have had the freedom to make that mistake because for many years we have spent the good will and energy of our youth on ensuring this freedom for many. 

Today I pause to say thanks. Thanks Rolf Hellman

War is terrible and its burden is the huge human cost it extracts for this freedom to be humane. Even while it is the measure of any society that it will fight for the hope that might spring forth from what is possible in freedom we must always be mindful, grateful, thankful to those who gave of their personal store of humanity to ensure this freedom for others.

Thank you Rolf Hellman and all of your cadre of friends and comrades. 

Thank you to your family who bore and even greater cost. 

Thank you to those you love who bare witness with you to this great treasure of freedom that we live within.

I can only imagine what my beloved Michaeline would write to you about thanks and pride but know that those intentions are added here to my own.

The edge of justice that you have sheltered still grows because of your service and your care.

Thank you now go and have a good time darn it

Karen Mooney 

(Meta & Susan's friend)

"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand" - Pascal

There is an odd clarity about a phone ringing in the middle of the night. Caught in the middle of a dream adrenaline wakes up the heart first. There is a stumbling realization that something urgent is happening to someone. For me there is a moment of fumbling for the phone, the light, a hand, some context my mind has not yet found its way to remembering. In the moment before the voice is heard and recognized, before I am drawn into what ever reality awaits, it is my heart that awakens and draws me forward into life. The clarity that exists in the moment of the ringing is not what or why or even how it is the simple knowledge that my presence is needed.

Over the years I have gotten the kind of calls you might expect in the middle of the night, a baby born, a hospital emergency, a mis-dialed number, and a traveler unable to calculate time differences in their excitement or boredom. All different situations but each one resulted in the same initial reaction, my heart filled with a response to life - I am here. I often forget until the middle of the night it is your heart that will call my heart to respond. It is your heart that I will remember and cherish. As words and memories and even language evade me it is your heart that holds onto mine.

As we move into this season of holiday's when so many greetings and gatherings occur I find my heart filled with gratitude for this community as a place to remember the kindness of a world where heart is more important than head. Thank you for reminding me and for allowing me to remember. I wish for you many precious moments, joy remembered in bittersweet times and safe travels to all who are leaving home to greet hearts far way.

As Fall

Ah fall, crunching sounds, musky smells, and leaves bursting forth into a brilliance of flame just outside my window. In the last weeks a feast for every sense has awakened with an almost gaudy flourish. I love this time of year. It is filled for me with wonder and the play of light. I can hardly believe that in the hurried tempo of life I have once again missed the opportunity to take a daily fall picture to catalogue this event. I want these pictures because I believe there is a deeper truth in this yearly event. A truth that I often wish I would remember for my own life throughout the year. Fall reminds me that as nature lets go it takes this last chance to expose all of its hidden colors and glory. The green chlorophyll that has dominated dies off and suddenly all the supportive elements shine through. In this display of letting go I can see that those supportive elements are just as brilliant.

There are things in my life that I know I have come to rely on simply working. Things to which I do not pay too much attention. I trust gmail to manage my calendar and email. I rest in long term friendships and familial connections. I even rely on the quick smiles and generous natures of those around me to engage. These are the reds, yellows, russets and orange that support my work in service to ministry. As a continual student, ministry is what I hope is the dominant green of my life, but fall reminds me that these other brilliance's must be tended, enjoyed and acknowledged for their support. This is a shout out to everyone who has supported me thus far along the road of life. It is also a fall like reminder to let the brilliant colors of life shine through.

Post 43: Poetry & Pros

It is hard to be alone in this world. Hard to wonder who will actually be there when the dust of some crisis settles. It is hard to wake up and ache, cry, push, gather hairs, throw up, stumble, laugh, rage, and simply breath all in the space of a minute. Being sick is hard for a day but when it lasts months and year it is boring and maniacal all at once. Being sick is never to be ignored, if you think you take it on - can just wait it will rear up at you again and again and again and again.

Cancer is like that. For me, as a watcher, I could only (I can only)
bring jokes, beauty, stories, news, love, compassion, patience
              - I can bear witness and make this promise
                        - you will not go through this dark night alone, no matter where you go I will be there.

Perhaps that is too little, but I have found that it is after all, the only thing I have to  offer another, my presence.

*************************

A thought for the window:
How does a hill come into being?
Did it start knowing it would join to another?
Did it know that it would be an angling of grass that children's feet find a curious challenge?

Did this hill start as a wave - as a mountain - as an after thought of G-d?
Did this hill name itself as it waited under corn / trees / rocks?
Did this hill dream of something bigger - something majestic - something meaningful?

Today it takes its place as the ground upon which the young to walk hand in hand.
Tripping on the sloop, catching the arm, smiling a giggled embarrassment,
just grateful for the open space to explore their love.

Could a hill or any of us ever wish for more than this?
To bear witness to budding love.
To offer the sheltering comfort of a place to land firmly.

Sep 2013

Post 42 - To be encircled

It looks like we have finally made it - the we being homosexuals: gays and lesbians - not queer people in general...yet. It looks as if there is a turning tide of acceptance, we are finally allowed to marry. The IRS says that we can file returns jointly, we can get benefits from social security, health care, sign a marriage license and the pope has even issued a lets get on with other work statement.

It might look as if we have made progress. Because indeed we have. (A shout out to all the people who worked so many hours on this issue of recognition.) Today I wonder though... what does it mean to support love? To really support love - not the mewing cuddly cute kind of love that fills a 7 year old girls school notebook. Not the kind of love that only says yes - but real love. Love that takes hard work and sets boundaries and has expectations and lives in the trenches of daily life. Love that is weak and fails, love that sits up all night laughing, love that drops a gold coin into the salvation army bucket anonymously - or gives something just as valuable from the coffers of the heart. Love that knows when to step in to save me from myself. Love that will not condone violence in any of its subtle forms.

How is real love supported? Now that we have "arrived," even though in some places it is still only a murmur, what will real love look like?

I wonder because when I came out I got into a relationship that was emotionally violent. I got stuck in a battle of wills about my self-worth and mostly I lost, eventually I got pretty angry, and sometimes I acted poorly. Eventually I stood up for myself and acted better but it took a few years. I got stuck and I have wondered what part being a lesbian played in all of that chaos. If I had been in a straight relationship would it have been any better? Would I have known that I was worth more than someone constantly shaming me? I don't actually think so. I think that there are plenty of people who battle in this field everyday. Couples/relationship between people who are "stuck" because power feels good and can not be claimed anywhere else but through the force of domination.

I wonder because I do not want this kind of "real love" for anyone and I fear that the strength that being a lesbian, an outsider, gave me will not be available now to a scared 20 something just finding where they fit in the world. Being a lesbian brought me into a poor relationship, but it also gave me the tools I needed to get out. As a lesbian I had an edge, I could simply not speak about my primary relationship in my corporate life so that I could thrive there. It gave me a community to escape to once the relationship fell apart. It gave me the language of the oppressed that helped me to frame my experience so that I could push away from it. It gave me the strength of an outsider to choose the lone path. I heard a commentator say something like - well now the GL community can have screwed up marriages just like the rest of us with abuse and divorce and lovelessness. NO NO NO I do not want us to go screaming into that night.

Still while there is strength to overcome that can be found in the wild areas of our lives this is not the only kind of strength - indeed this strength may not be as sustainable as the strength gained in community. I wonder about this in relationship to real love because I also believe that being seen gives us the ability in community to call one another to our best selves. That being affirmed means that my life is open for the conversation that comes from observation and insight. Within a community I can grasp more possibilities about how relationships can sustain life beyond my own vision. Within community I allow my life, my choices, my actions, my interaction, perhaps even my beliefs can be examined. Ah and now the specter of judgement sneaks in, real love might demand of me this as well to withstand judgment to allow for those moments when conversation can lead to transformation.

It is confusing this love. Real love might demand that I draw on both of these things, from my strength forged in isolation and in community. Understanding that I receive something different from both. Affirming that both are needed. Accepting the insight that real love will mean that the conversation will allow for judgment but can also allow for celebration. Acceptance will not wipeout the potential for abuse but instead will demand a different set of tools to eradicate its specter.

Real love. In this place I realize that no matter what the choices I have only one person that I can hold accountable for my actions and that is myself. I have only one life that I can save and that is my own. BUT if I choose to bring that love into the light of a community the accountability can be filled by the grace of compassion, the actions held by the wonder of gratitude and maybe even forgiveness. Real love demands this of me - that I live as an individual responsible to myself and as a communal being accountable to my world.

Post 41 - Atonement

As we come to the end of the Jewish high holy days, I find myself thinking about life within the context of atonement and redemption.

What does it mean to "sin?" 

I believe that as Unitarian Universalist's (UU) we wrestle with this concept of sin as brokenness - in particular brokenness around relationship and commitments. In the broadest sense commitments are made and acted upon daily. I have made commitments to myself, family, community, the earth and Gd. I live within the expectations of laws and rules set forth by my communities. Sometimes those commitments are made in very public ways like within the context of a child dedications or union. I have found myself wondering about how the commitments broken within the context of these relationships might be acknowledged and mended within a community of UU faith?

The task of Yom Kippur (as I understand it) is, of course, atonement (at one ment - as some say). To ask for forgiveness as the year begins so that the course of the year can begin a new. I do ask this out of judgment having many things to atone for myself: forgiveness of broken promises, forgiveness for dishonesty, forgiveness for selfishness... but I find it curious that this holiday offers this opportunity. Interesting that the practices of faith call me to tasks that I might otherwise leave alone.

Easter Sunday – Renewal & Reclamation

Easter Sunday – Renewal & Reclamation                                Rev Pam Rumancik         March 31, 2013

In churches all across the country this morning folks are celebrating the Christian holy day of Easter.  Triumphal music is being played and Alleluia’s are being sung. “He is Risen” is proclaimed with jubilation and rejoicing.  Death has been conquered and believers will have life everlasting – or so the story goes.

It is a good story – one that’s been told for a couple thousand years and one which still has great appeal. Victory over death. Something firm to hold onto in a world which seems to be constantly changing . The promise of a world of justice, of happiness, of freedom from any kind of want – waiting just on the other side of death. That would be something to be excited about. If you just place your faith in the story of the cross, you will be rewarded with the joys of heaven in the afterlife.

But here in our Unitarian Universalist churches we don’t share that triumphalism – at least not in the same way. Easter is a day to celebrate rebirth, renewal, the cycles of life beginning again with the freshness of life new born.  It is joyful, it is grateful, it is even a little sticky sweet – notice we do have eggs hiding all around the sanctuary – but triumphant seems a little over the top.

It’s odd because for me, and I suspect for some others, it almost feels like there’s something missing.

I know a couple of lifelong UU’s who have taken one or more forays into mainline Christian churches for at least a while for that very reason – seeking that mysterious missing element. They had a sense that Christians had something solid to hold onto – while Unitarian Universalism is a faith of ambiguity and relationality.

It’s true - Unitarian Universalists live within a world that is complex with many shades of not only grey, but blue, magenta, chartreuse & gold. We generally agree that there are few to no “one size fits all” answers – that life is not black and white, no matter how convenient that would be.

We celebrate the diversity of human experience and accept that a multiplicity of perspectives enriches our experience and makes our own lives deeper and richer. Life is a multi textured and multi dimensional experience; one that we embrace when we are grounded and feel solid in our lives.

But all that complexity can also leave you feeling a little lost.

It’s like sailing out in a wide ocean, beautiful sun sparkling off the rising waves, fresh sea air, amazing seascapes and discoveries in every direction. Full of wonder and awe – that is until a storm hits.

The storm can be anything; the loss of a job, the death of a partner, a difficult health challenge – but suddenly that beautiful ocean of possibilities becomes a raging sea – where it seems there is little to hold on to and not much in the way of guidance.

It’s no wonder that one of the symbols embraced by contemporary Christian churches is the lighthouse.  “Come here” they say “find safe harbor in the storm of life. Come here and get out of that dangerous and unpredictable sea” and many, many people take them up on it.

I think of a woman named Helen. As a young woman she suffered two miscarriages, the birth of a still born daughter and the death of a two year old son in the space of about 6 years.  She only had one child survive to adulthood.

The death of the two year old little boy was the storm that swamped her. She was lost and adrift until found by some women from the local southern Baptist church. They surrounded her with love, gave her hope that she’d meet her lost children again in heaven, and offered a community which supported her in the depth of her pain.

She found love, a life boat in the storm of her life and no matter what crazy things they might say the bible says, she believes it, because it comes from a place which plucked her from the storm and gave her safe haven and security.

I know that in this church we have many stories of people going in the opposite direction. Folks who have fled churches which offered safety and security but denied their ability to think and reason for themselves; which traded freedom for security, which asked them to leave their intellect and curiosity at the door.  These traditions claim to offer a safe harbor but actually seem to be offering a tiny pond in lieu of the glory of the ocean.

And the ocean calls; sailing out into the ocean of possibilities is exhilarating – you never know what next you might find or discover. There is freedom and adventure and gusto.

But does this mean metaphor mean we are only a fair weather faith? Is it only good when the skies are clear and the waters calm?

This is a criticism of Unitarian Universalists. That we only appeal to people who are already having a good experience of life – that we have nothing to offer to those navigating stormy seas; who are struggling with poverty or addiction, loss or suffering.

I don’t believe that’s true – and for two very different reasons.

I do believe that Unitarian Universalism offers a solid lifeboat in troubled waters – like many other faiths out there it offers the safe haven of community. It is the relationships in our churches – within and around us – which can be our saving grace. It’s the folks who remember to call when we’ve dropped away – who keep calling when life is getting really difficult.

I was just talking with a member the other day whose husband is in hospice; she’s been his sole care giver for quite some time. During our visit I asked what sustained her.  What was keeping her afloat during this difficult time?  She mentioned the names of several church members who have been up to visit or who have continued calling. She named two who still ask her to go to lunch or a movie with them even though she hasn’t said yes yet.

It made my heart happy – to hear that she wasn’t forgotten and I strongly encouraged her to say yes next time they called.  The fact that they continue to call helps her feel loved and connected – even though she can’t make it into church right now.

Unitarian Universalist churches do provide community – but it’s really important to note that it is not an automatic event. Like just about any endeavor – you get out of it what you put into it. Community is a living, changing & evolving entity and if you do not invest in that community with your time and presence and energy – you will not enjoy its fruits when you need support.

This is one of the huge drawbacks of the unchurched who name themselves spiritual but not religious.  They may have wonderful and amazing spiritual lives when times are good – when the sun is shining. But when storm clouds threaten there may be no one to turn to for help and sustenance.

The blessing of Unitarian Universalism is that you have the freedom of search, the independence from dogma and creed, but you also have a sustaining community in times of trouble. When the ocean kicks up a storm there is a boatload of folks to pick you up and give you rest.

This is an obvious saving grace of Unitarian Universalism, but as I said, it is not exclusive to our faith. Most other faith communities offer this same gift of community – as long as you are willing to conform to the creed or set of beliefs they hold.

There is however another way that Unitarian Universalism provides guidance and support in the rough patches of life. Our six sources of inspiration, listed in the front of your hymnal, provide a wide variety of human wisdom, gathered through the centuries.  Our sources are:

§  Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder

§  Words and deeds of prophetic women and men

§  Wisdom from the world’s religions

§  Jewish and Christian teachings

§  Humanist teachings

§  Spiritual teachings of Earth-centered traditions which instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.

These sources are not creedal tests. They don’t tell us what to believe or offer promises of a certain tomorrow if we follow their rules. They do help us gain a sense of the larger questions of life – and how humans have been struggling with and answering those questions for a very long time.

They help us widen our lens from the details of supernatural and fantastical stories and reclaim the deep messages behind them. They help us find the gold within the ore, the meta story which nourishes and sustains.

For example is our Easter story today. A story of triumph over death – of a God who redeems sinners through the death of God’s son.

On the surface there is much to object to – at least for me.

-          A God that is appeased by suffering and death
-          A God that creates people to be fallible and then punishes them for being so
-          A God that only saves the elect few who believe correctly
These were the very issues which moved me out of traditional Christianity and into Unitarian Universalism -  even as I felt a deep connection with the teachings of the Jewish Rabbi Jesus who taught about the power of love. For me a God which acts outside the rules of this reality is much less believable and impressive than a unifying ground of love from which all reality arises and returns.
Any yet – there is deep wisdom to be found in the story of the resurrection. The meta story of having to die to things which we believe are true in order to find a life that is fuller and richer than we yet imagined speaks to both my experience and my understanding of life.

How many times have I had to painfully release some false self image in order to claim a more life affirming one?

One example from the last few years comes to mind. All my life I’ve prided myself on my physical strength for my size and gender. As a young woman I could load and stack 50 bales of hay on the back of a pickup truck. As I got older I could work as long and hard as my husband, no matter what work we were doing on the house, and then go care for the kids and get them to bed.  More recently I worked just as hard as any of my male coworkers at Home Depot – loading rolls of carpet and toting cases of ceramic tile.  For my size – I felt mighty.

But I got sick a few years back and while I tried to figure out what was going on I lost a lot of my physical strength. I had to learn to conserve my energy – to rest often, to not be the one working the longest or the hardest.  I could no longer claim my identity as a physically strong woman.  Who was I?

This was actually really painful and difficult. I spent a lot of time feeling like a failure, like I was not enough, because I could no longer fit that one definition of self.

When I finally let go of that identity, I felt tremendous relief. By redefining who I was in the world – no longer a physical identity but an intellectual and spiritual one-  I discovered an emotional and spiritual strength that I hadn’t known was there.  I uncovered an identity which helped me grow into the fullness of my ministry in ways I had not previously imagined.

This is incredibly helpful – especially now – because I realize that my physical being will continue to change, will continue to decline as I grow older and this new definition of self will make it much easier to go with the flow of life.

What things have you let go of in order to become more? What parts of your psyche have had to be released or shed in order to grow into a fuller sense of you?

This for me is the reclamation of the story of Easter. It may not be true as I once believed it to be true – but it is again true as a deep and abiding story which can guide my life and widen my soul.

How many stories are there that you can reclaim? That you can look at with a different lens and find nourishment and sustaining grace?

Unitarian Universalism offers us this wonderful and amazing gift. It allows us to step out of one understanding of the world and into another through our relationships, through our conversations, through our dialogues and even through our misunderstandings if we just stay at the table. The crux of Unitarian Universalism is our covenant to love alike even when we don’t think alike – to stay in open conversation and relationship even when we have profound differences. This orientation opens up oceans of discovery we would never find on our own – or if we were stuck in some seeming safe harbor.

Today we celebrate Easter Sunday – not as a victory over physical death because none of us can possibly know what happens after we die. Today we celebrate Easter as a guiding path to living a rich and nourishing life of rebirth, renewal, and reclamation.

Like the seed which falls to the ground and dies in order to sprout new life, we have to break out of our own stuck places and set off for new horizons.

As Unitarian Universalists, we invite all who would journey to join us; we have a vessel big enough for all who yearn to sail.

Sounds like a wonderful thing to celebrate with joyful acclamation – Amen & Alleluia!

Heisenberg Uncertainty- Ministry in this age

For a ministry class the Rev. Rebecca Parker posed this question "How might a post-modern, relational understanding human interchange inform an evolving ecclesiology in an age of social networking and internet technologies?" A class associated with a conference (Center) for ministers. Not only would I need to answer this question I would need to post my answer so that other ministers could read it. It is different posting for you - nonexistent followers who look and may sometimes like what they see but rarely comment. Here I would post for people who I would interact with in 72 hours. What did I want from this? Simply to make some kind of sense? Actually to make this question make some kind of sense to my life and call. What does it mean Karen to be a minister in the age of social networking and digital interchange? What does it mean to be a minister? What does it mean to have a social network? What does it mean that that network is digital and far flung around the world - yet still seen and experienced.

I ran for my handy on-line dictionary to look up several terms... ... ...

I am a priest in the order of Melchizedek. Aren't you? The mystical priest holding only to the highest Gd. Holding onto the earth while pointing at the moon. Serving those in need while capturing beauty. Awakening love while remembering the holy. Ministry is the impossible task of living fully in this world with all its mess and chaos, beauty and horror, all the while gently making room for the ineffable. Ministry is being in two states at one time, holding on while letting go. Ministry is knowing that while it seems impossible to be both at once, it is the only way to live.

But she asks a different question my middle of the night mind reminded me - not what do you know ministry to be - but how might we be now?

YouTUBE  (you may have heard of it) is one of those ideas that started a revolution. Let's make everyday videos available on the web. Facebook, Twitter, WoW, EVE, Second Life ... where do people "live" now? What does community look like now that I can Skype my step daughter in Germany and have a virtual job with people on the other side of the country? It is a mystery to me and to most everyone I talk to -  and still it is the world I live within today.

Because I believe that reminders of our transcendent nature are important, I have played around in the realm of YouTUBE, Blogspot and Facebook, attempting to create a space for beauty and wonder. I explore and experiment here because I want a ministerial, pastoral, voice in this space of virtual community. It is a strange and wonder filled land. where joy and humor reign. I am not sure how good I am in this task but I have gathered about 500 followers for a series of questions asking  where we find Gd n the world and another 400 viewers of various videos that I've posted. In comparison, a friend has over 6 million views for a VERY funny spoof on getting older - you might even have seen it. 6 million views (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzSaoN2LdfU). Nothing in comparison to Gangnam Style with 1.2 BILLION views (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0).

What does it look like to be a voice of opening, of possibility, of reverence? People are willing to be distracted - are they willing to be transformed? Does Matt Dancing change people? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY) Does transformation come from Playing for Change? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM)

Who are the priests which Melchizedek would now bless?

What if we are the macro enactment, the embodiment, of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle: we either know where we are going or where we are but never both at the same time.

I do know that ministry is no longer about 40 years, or 40 days, but rather 40 minutes or perhaps even 40 seconds. We have a moment to catch someone's attention, to invite them into a wider, richer, or potentially life changing perspective. What can we do with that moment?

Awakened to a start

91.5 was on the tuner for NPR in Chicago. In Chattanooga it is a Family Christian station. Waking up to music and proclamations of Gds love was not startling but it was oddly off putting. The level of self-congratulation and self-righteousness was stunning. Was I like that? Am I like that? Covering myself in a truth felt comforting even if it fit snugly, even if it was only part of the truth. OK really I should say the active from - when I cover myself. I am still in this camp of holding onto truth though the "truth" is now more ambiguous, more symbol than words - still I cover myself in truth too frightening not too really - for me. I play with the image of the river and letting go to float free - some days I even make it there but less often than I would like.

So as my eyes adjusted to the dark I wondered – why does this make me so uncomfortable? 
I blame it on the subtext of rightness and wrongness, with which a message of love is delivered. 
Is that what makes me uncomfortable? 
Right and wrong 
wrapped in the package 
of suffering for being right 
in the midst of wrong 
equaling LOVE.
Suffering in the midst of wrong = love.
 
The juxtaposition of suffering and love. 

This odd message that suffering is a form of love is troubling to me. It seems a crippling view that love can be seen in acts of violence. It feel overwhelming to me this equation, years of people waiting to leave abuse, longing to be seen as righteous and long suffering, willing to put up with in order to be moving toward love. I believe that while love can be seen anywhere - that does not make suffering love. Suffering is suffering.

Suffering is suffering.

So someone waking me up with images that make make suffering OK is jaring.
Did I do that?
Was I that for someone?
Did I profess that?

As if suffering was a commodity to be bought and sold for goodness. This language of love catapults me into a realm of anxiety. If I can act, give or be something for someone else – do I ever stop to ask myself if what I am doing is generative? Or is the dance simply to believe so strongly that I act, give and be right in order to be within my faith. 

But this does not take you into account - or wore it demands that you are wrong so that I can be even more righteous in my rightness. NOOOOOO I scream - love is love. Be love for yourself Karen. Be love not right or wrong - be love. Because while I may suffer (welcome to life) if I love through that suffering I will be redeemed - not in spite of others but because of them. I will be redeemed by the relationships I have within love. It is so odd this pull between doing to affirm belonging and doing to set myself a part.

My partner Pam says that these concepts of doing in spite of my suffering promotes individualism rather than relationship. I point out they are relational but relational to ideas rather than to people. Ah there is the rub. If I ascribe what I know to be: good of bad / right or wrong / righteous or obscenity / just or evil - to something solely outside of myself and then I put myself at odds with ever building a relationship with that same world?

I am reminded of hermits. While there might be something there to find in the solace and stillness of being alone with Gd and your own life. You do not find rightness as oppossed to others - if the mystics words hold truth you find rightness with you own faith in Gd.

And I am not a hermit, I am not alone in this particular place of belief. I am individualized and still I belong. I belong as long as I am willing to live in love. Which engenders trust. Which supports discovery. Which demands my best.

Ah it is all so very complicated.

I wish to find my way letting go of this odd language of suffering and instead embracing the direction in which these symbols point. Love. Love at every moment and hope that when people see your life what they hold onto is love as well. Not that drama - not the look what you got over - not even the achievements - let them hold onto the love. 

Collect for the day:
Gd let me use these as guides you have given us a compass rather than a map.

Hold onto life lightly.

Hold onto life lightly.

Hold onto life with light and love.

Out Beyond - Not just an idea

Dwell in Possibility: Out Beyond Ideas of Wrong and Right             by Pam Rumancik

I grew up Roman Catholic and that still informs some part of who I am in the world. While having let go of the theology, I know that my passion for justice, my love of ritual, and my appreciation for the sacred otherness of life have their roots in this heritage.

The teachings of a wandering Jewish Rabbi named Jesus deeply resonate with my understanding and experience of ultimate reality.

Love your neighbor as yourself, turn the other cheek, welcome the stranger – these lessons live deep in my bones.   I do not claim the label of “recovering Catholic” because I own and cherish much of what I experienced and absorbed growing up.

And yet…there is also a shadow side to this legacy I carry with me.

I grew up believing that there was a “right” way to do things; a “right” way to be and sometimes find that "rightness" hard to relinquish.  While having goals and ideals are necessary and good – getting stuck in rightness, or righteousness, can be unproductive and definitely at odds with the Unitarian Universalist faith which I espouse and love.

Within the UU tradition our highest commitment is to being in covenantal relationship with one another.  We do not hold onto a dogma or doctrine that everyone has to believe. We affirm community as a place of spiritual and personal growth; a place where relationship is valued above rightness because we trust that honest, respectful dialogue will bring forth deeper truths than can be found by a single person alone.

We are committed to respecting the individual and unique gifts of every person and staying in relationship despite the myriad viewpoints that are brought into the conversation.

Being right conflicts with a commitment to being in right relationship. Sometimes, as “come-inners” to this beautiful faith of relationality, we bring with us our old habits of righteousness; our old conviction that there is the right way – and we’ve got it. I call this my “catholic” monster because it rears its ugly head and roars at me that there is a right way and other people should be following it.

This is a profound spiritual practice for me – recognizing the snarl of that monster and then relegating it to the past where it belongs. It no longer serves me or how I want to be in the world.

My commitment – my highest value – is to healthy and respectful covenantal relationship; it is to the belief that we are far more together – wiser, kinder, stronger -  than we can ever be alone;  it is that a group of thoughtful seekers of truth and justice will always be the world’s best hope for creating a just and sustainable future.

So while I may have very strong opinions – about reproductive health, too big to fail banks, fracking or gun control – my highest commitment is to remaining in open and respectful dialogue with my community and the world around me. Deciding I am right shuts down any way forward into new, creative, or synergistic solutions for the future.

Three centuries ago Universalist Hosea Ballou wrote: “If we agree in love, there is no disagreement that can do us any injury, but if we do not, no other agreement can do us any good.”

Let us agree in love to stay in conversation – to find a third way forward when right and wrong no longer serve.

Out beyond ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. 

 When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. 

 Ideas, language, and even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense. 

 ~Rumi

Imago Dei

Imago Dei - the face of Gd.
I recently picked up a book for our religious kitsch bathroom called "Look it's Jesus." It is an edgy book filled with the stories of people finding the image of Gd, Jesus, Mary, Mother Theresa, ... (you get the drift) in a wide variety of place. I noted on Facebook that my personal favorite is couch stain Jesus, I am ashamed to say this selection makes me belly laugh. Still I am fascinated  I may have laughed hard and heartily when we initially found the book and flipped through the variety of images but I am fascinated that there is a book dedicated to our human longing to find images of Gd all around us. (I am also fascinated by the fact that people can see draped bearded faces in just about everything.)

I to want to see Gd peeking out at me from things as familiar as my food and my living space though that has not ever happened in the way the book describes. I think it would make me feel special and surrounded, perhaps even protected by the essence of Gd. Now I am not sure that I need protection, still my world can seem like a scary scary place. I am not always sure that I belong. I am certain that I am often not enough. I have been convinced that my work alone will not transform those I love or dislike. I believe in a transcendent force (lets call it Gd for the ease of conversation) that is ever evolving and ever calling me to my best self. Believing in a Gd so present to me that Gd shows up early in the morning as I prepare for the mundane life. I often live is a point of potential. Suddenly my life holds within it the possibility of transcendence. In seeing Gd for a moment I am pulled away and reminded of that presence that I lean into during good worship or meditation is there, is here, is now.

This silly and profound book that in an oddly respectful way shows a number of different "sightings" of Gd in our world speaks to me of my need to be in relationship. Relationship with both the world in which I live and with Gd. Not separately, but in a way that is surprisingly integrated and whole. All of this got me to thinking about Imago Dei in a very different way...

Imago Dei - the face of Gd, we are created in his image. Yes my friends when you start talking Imago language Gd is usually a he... you know Adam and all. Usually a man and usually the depicted in the dominant culture - white. Apparently there is power in believing that Gd looks like us. There is power in that subtle affirmation. We may have fallen from the grace of the garden but - and this is an important but - we still look like our creator. We are kin. We are children. We are beloved. And we look for affirmations of that connection in our everyday life as well as in our religious practices.

We might ponder what it means when this image - this including and reflective image - is only depicted in the dominant culture. Who is included in the work/ in the world of Gd? In justice work, there is often an appeal to shift the face of Gd from only affirming the dominant culture. Liberation theology, the notion that Jesus' good news is actually more significantly directed at the impoverished and maligned, the outsider and the foreign within our midst, also holds examples of reclaiming the image of the face of Gd as the outsider. Liberation theology grabs hold of Gd's face and says - look - Gd is ours as well. Jesus would have looked more like Mohammed than someone attending Woodstock in the late 1960's. Images of a dark skinned Gd invite those long left as children of a lesser Gd. A Gd with a broad powerful nose, curly hair, stout figure and brown eyes abound act as a radical reminder of whom Gd is in relationship with.

Still this claim to Gd's image being non-traditional remains a divider, a place of separateness, a weapon of authority. If Gd is us than he is not YOU.

Gd created man in his image.

I wonder if we too narrowly define what image means. If Gd created us in Gd's image - was the image of a face at all. Was the image of an emerging star a cosmic light, a single celled organism, the angler fish in the depth of our seas.

I wonder if Gd made us of the very stuff of Gd. Image as replica. Image as kin and as part of and as creation. I wonder if Gd created us as Gd. That which exists in all things, that which connects all things, that which holds all things together - this is my personal definition of Gd. Not a definition that can easily be found as a reminder in food or ashtrays but a definition that takes me beyond the tribalism that I hear in so many religious traditions. Not generally within the mystical arms but that is a story for another day.

Am I, are you the image of Gd?

Earlier last year a small particle was finally "seen" by physicists underneath the French mountains. This particle initially dubbed the "god particle" known now more formally as the Higgs-Boson particle, is the stuff of life. It is the hope that we are not made up primarily of space - no more spectacularly we are made up of potential.

Am I are you the image of Gd?

What if we gave up the notion that the creator said yes you look like me, as if this was a photo recognition exercise.
What if we claimed we look like the creator because we are made of creator.
What if all of this amazing universe is connected in by this potential - peeking out at us from everywhere in everything.

Go ahead look for the face of Jesus, but look for the Andromeda galaxy.

None of this is new, I know, nothing really is - what is new is perhaps our understanding that we have the potential to be the stars -or- we are the stars waiting for the potential to be human.

What a precious gift life, to be able to look and see in the simplest places the transcendent nature of Gd. What a gift to be reminded that finding Gd can be filled with peels of laughter and tears of joy. What a gift for me to remember Gd calls to me - not from far away - but from the very air that I breath. Be - be all that you can be - I am waiting for your potential to unfold.

Live as if how you do this matters

The road from Jericho leads to Jerusalem for Jesus. After several successful years as a charismatic healer, teacher and social revolutionary he is headed for a triumphal entry into a pinnacle experience of his faith - passover in the Holy land. Jericho is large city. A hub - think NY, LA, Chicago, Atlanta, Houston. It is a place where people from many different places and walks of life gather. Known as the city of palms it is the first place the Israelite find themselves after Egyptian captivity and 40 years of wandering (Joshua fit the battle of ...) It is a cosmopolitan place where news fly's through merchants and soldiers, politicians and shop keepers, and even to the outcast.

On this final trek to Jerusalem - just leaving the city you can almost taste the anticipation for the disciples and all who followed Jesus - this was the walk. This was their messiah. This was someone who had answers, someone who lived what they preached, this was someone to follow and know. And in the midst of this excitment, outside the walls of the city a begger, an outcast, an undesirable shouts - and Jesus stops. Really - come on - Jesus stops.

They called him a teacher this amazing man from Galilee. Jesus taught with and of and through his life.

I have known a lot of different kinds of teachers in my life, haven't you? I remember my sister as an early teacher - trying to tell me the double meaning of Get Smart - this was a TV show on about a not so great secret agent (who could talk into his shoe thank you very much) and was not the brightest light in the chandellier. We sat on the floor of our kitchen - I was probably 3 my sister 6 and she just kept on saying you know Get Smart - at 6 she was not able to pull through the subtleties of languge to her younger less imaginative sibling.
Who here was "taught" by someone in your family?

I remember a teacher in high school that made english sing for me - a hard trick if anyone knows how I struggle still with grammer. But he talked and taught in a way that made me want to learn. Who here had a teacher that made them fall in love with something they never expected?

I remember a teacher who just devistated me by laughing at a project I had turned in. A paper machee volcano with red streams painted on the side sitting next to a volcano 5 times as big that actually exploded every 5 min as the student and their parent mixed the right concoction together. To be fair this "teacher" was not a paid but was a fellow student - still I got the lesson loud and clear. I also remember the teacher who came by after that and praised my work as one of the only projects done solely by a student. A kind and generous person she had seen the interaction, my devastation and my now uncomfortable parents and had found that thing that was good, was true, was real. A teacher is someone who can listen and offers wisdom for this moment. She was a teacher in that true sense. she wasn't only paid she was a teacher who lived in a way that allowed her to see a situation and respond to it with gentile wisdom and kindness.

They called him teacher - Jesus, this person who reached out in kindness. I am so grateful for all the teachers in my life including Jesus.

Actually these teachers we remember they are doing something that is more than a job, right? A teacher embodies something larger than knowledge and answers. Disregarding the current passion of looking for KPI - key performance indicators through testing - a teacher is someone who is able to help people learn, to affirm when they have done just that and can inspire someone to learn more. Ask any teacher you know, whether they are currently working at that career or not, they will tell you stories about their work. They will talk about their students both good and bad. Those they are still trying to reach those that left them in awe of how smart people can be. They will regale you with times that they worked and worked and worked to get a point across with no effect and they will tell you about the time that someone turned with a shine in their eyes knowing something that a moment before had baffled them. A teacher is a role - much like a minister or a priest - that demands more of you than your work, it demands your life.

Ah they called him teacher and so he calls us. A teacher - someone who lives in a way that imparts wisdom, that tries beyond odds, that celebrates when we get it right.

The blind man called out teacher, teacher let me see again.
We also teach ourselves in this life. We teach ourselves that we can change and throw off what others think we should be. Here this Blind man, this outcast ignores every social norm and the voices telling him he is not enough and demands what he needs. Those things that we repeat and affirm (good or bad) teach us and others about how we see the world and who we see ourselves as, perhaps even how we expect to be treated. Scientist say that if you repeat an action for 20 days in a row that action will become a behavior. 10,000 hours and you will be an expert. Thou these external manifestations may be best sustained by internal work to understand why we made different choices to begin with - ie don't give up your therapy sessions - behaviors can also be changed but this gives hope to someone who wants to become something different. We can teach ourselves how to be in the world through how we dress and stand and talk and walk and engage.

They called him teacher - this person who spoke in parables and actions and asked us to follow him.
We are also all still teaching our world who we are. Stop thinking that the way that you have lived is the only way that life will ever be. That English teacher introduced me to literature that opened up my world. Stop believing that those you rejected before are not worthy of your time or our resources. That small home made volcano was a prize winner for the teacher who gave me an A. Stop listening to the voices saying no you should be quiet and live your lot in life - the world around you can still be taught who you are. Jesus gave the blind man the best gift a teacher can give - affirmation of what you already know and the entreat to go. Go and do or be more of what brought you to this place already. Go and live a life that teaches others.

They called him a teacher - and he lived that role. As a healer he reached out to people on the margins and would not stop doing that simply because he was now going to Jerusalem. His healing was miraculous and revolutionary not just because he healed people but because of who he healed. In seeing the unseen and touching the untouchable through Jesus teaches us what is important and how we should see the world. In this story as a social revolutionary he stopped. He stopped and talked to an outcast. Stopped so that the blind man could find him in the crowd.  And when the blind man asked Jesus answered Go: Your faith has made you well -

He said this to a blind man who lived outside the city walls. Can we imagine for a minute what that felt like. Suddenly this outcast was heard, he was seen, he was recognized. If we each teach the world around us about who we are and how we see the world. What does your life say about who you are?

Jesus ripped through the social norms of his day to heal and teach. He ignored and argued against rules and laws when they did not serve the whole community. We will pick grain on the sabbath when it is time for us to eat. I will heal when ever I have the opportunity. I will ask judgment to come for an adulterous woman only when compassion is present as well. As a teacher Jesus moved to find and affirm people who were living in faith, instead of those who lived by rules that conformed their society to an earlier age. (I might wonder how Jesus would view his church today? When are we paying more attention to the brass and less to the work of our hearts. When are we listening to the voices of fear instead of voting for the possibility of hope?) Jesus this God who calls us, who asks us to follow, who entreats us to a table, who loves. Jesus spoke from a place of deep knowledge but he also lived from his heart.

Our teaching, our being teachers, our following Jesus demands that we not only change ourselves through belief but that we live lives as if the world was changed as well - Gandhi once said - you must be the change you wish to see in the world. Stop believing that the way the world is now is the only way it can ever be. Stop listening to the voices that preach lack and hate and fear, listen instead to the voice that teaches you about the possibility of change, the voice of hope, the voice of love. Live as if what you want for the world is possible and then and only then it might just be. Live as if your life as a teacher matters to the world and stop wondering what could I do and start asking what can I do today?
+ Talk to a neighbor you don't like so well
+ Recycle that paper plate instead of throwing it away
+ Calling friends to get them to go out and vote
+ Give money to ceasefire and help stop gang violence in Chicago
+ Plan to go on a working volunteer vacation to New Orleans or Japan or Africa
+ Start an organization to get clean water to the untouchables in India
I do not know what you are called to "teach" this world through your living - but I know that the world will change by what you do and who you are within it.
Certainly Jesus taught in more traditional ways like talking, preaching, telling stories, arguing with scholars. But Jesus taught in the way of a true teacher as well - he lived what he believed.

They called him teacher - and I wonder how we follow this example.
No matter where you are, job hunting, celebrating, wondering No matter if you are making a choice about where to go for dinner or who to vote for in this next election. What are you teaching - yourself and the world? By what you do - by who you are - by why you live and move and have your being. What are you teaching us about hope and about what you value. I have but one question to leave you all with when your life speak and it will, they always do - what do you dream your life will say?

May Nothing Evil Cross This Door (KEM) - Why Church (PMR)

A beautiful Unitarian Universalist hymn - #1 in the older of the two current UU hymnals "Singing the Living Tradition"

A beautiful sentiment that Pam and I have engaged as we look to a place in the world where the walls that define a church or a congregation may not only be the long entrusted familiar ones. What if church looks beyond the beautiful edifices of stained glass - what if church is also the local coffee house where poets and refugees sit together? What if church is that place - where ever it might be - that allows us to change, that demands us to be transformed, and that requires us to be our best?

 What if church today is found in that place? 

Why Church?
To remember…
That our bones are grown up from the dirt of this earth
That our breath is the gift of life breathing us into existence
That our hearts beat with the pulse and rhythm of an eternity we only vaguely recognize
That our voices make audible the songs of the universe

Why Church?
To remember…
That I am a unique and precious expression of the universe
That this reality in which I live and breathe both distracts and reveals
That my deep and truest self is the only thing worth searching out and finding
That in the offering of self I come most fully alive

Why Church?
To remember…
That one is not a whole number
That community gives us roots and wings
That strength comes from relationship and mutuality
That we know life in and through one another

Why Church?
To remember…
Spirit
Breath
Life
Love  Why church?
To remember...
- pmr

May nothing evil cross between you and those wall that support your journey.

words by Louis Untermeyer (1885-1977) music by Robert N Quaile (1867-?)

Rwanda - A look at modern genocide 1994

Where you there? - Genocide visited in a far away African nation.

In 2011 I took one of my final classes for seminary with Dr Sharon Welch and the Rev. Dr Susan Thistlethwaite on Peace and Justice.

We were to read a book about modern day horrors by Samantha Powers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Problem_from_Hell) and I was transfixed by the story of Rwanda. Probably because I remember the talk about this small country and I remember being confused by the odd accounts, small snippets, random thoughts I was recieving about what attrocities were going on. I remember being frustrated that the US was not engaged. Frustrated that my government - my liberal progressive government - was failing me. I had no idea the magnitude.  I went on with my life as if everything was alright. As if I was safe (which I was), as if all was normal (which it was not), as if my life would not be impacted (which was true and not true).

This thing happened in our world in the days just before the internet exploded. Rwanda occurred in the time before CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews and their 24 hour coverage on what ever tragedy was occurring. The odd thing is that the internet and the news channels may bringing fear closer to my door step but they do not stop the senselessness of violence that erupts. I would like to believe that the US is are more engaged now because there are powerful knowledgeable watchful people who would decry this sort of thing going without our intervention. Indeed in this time after the fall of the Egyptian and Libyan governments I would like to believe that the solution is as easy as stopping one side from killing another.

But peace takes more than letting go of a particular instance of violence.

Why we did not act is still a part of our make-up.
How we support people to further justice through education, conversation, healthcare, rights... is still a complicated problem.
My voice in the wilderness cries out - at least let the story be remembered.

Where you there? I was...


In 1994 Rwanda erupted with ethnic violence that was finally understood as genocide. What is our responsibility to ensure this does not happen again? What is our understanding of our role, of our response, of our concern? We can talk after the fact about how we might act to stop atrocities, but really will we look hard enough to see the next place that violence claims lives lost far away from our comfortable living rooms? What of Libya and her people? Have we learned our lessons from the past?

Facts and Quotes taken from:
Samantha Power, “A Problem from Hell” America and the age of genocide, (New York-London-Toronto-Sydney: Harper Perennial, 2002)

What is left?

When I reached the mountain top and found the sage had gone I wondered what is left? What is left when my insides tremble and I wonder what might become of my dream and the questions it evokes? What is left when I no longer linger waiting for some simple sign that I have made the right choices? What is left when I finally stop and say uncle, we believe in the same universal truth but not perhaps in the way they are lived out in this world? Perhaps what is left is what is right, to open my heart and say - ah home again.
Thank you all for tending this place of wonder, 2U-Second Unitarian of Chicago, with such fierce and gentle spirits.

As I wait for some part of me to shift into a new place I am aware that nothing will happen unless I move. As I sit still and think good thoughts and move carefully around the layers of the under the parts of my life I have not embraced for some time I think - why would I want to shift that piece of my life - it seems just fine. As I respond to the nagging voices in my head saying things like "really you need to do something differently?" I side step and turn on the TV to watch Chopped just like last night. 

But something has changed in me and perhaps the biggest change is I am willing to see that change.

This is different. Someone said no to me and I did not become a weeping ball of insecurities, someone said maybe and then no and I did not stop and wonder why my entire life was falling apart, someone said yes and while I still wonder why I am stepping forward.

Today I write because I can write.

Tomorrow I will paint because I can paint.

The next day I will learn because I love to learn.

After that I will sing because there is nothing in this world that makes my heart happier.

Even as I wait, even as I wonder if I can change if the dust bunnies can be found and removed, I know that this is mine to do NOW, embrace the seeker I have always been.